Photographer: Aunt Kris at krjphotos.blogspot.comGoing to mass every Sunday is part of what we love to do in this Pfaffy household. Today was no different. We scurried around this morning trying to get everyone ready on time and believe it or not we managed to succeed with little issues. As we approached the church I found myself walking closer and closer to Tod, so I reached for his hand. He readily held mine as we entered the church. His hands, lucky for him, are so much like his father’s. They are thick, so strong, and so warm. As we stood in the narthex…waiting for Mike and Reed Joe who unbeknownst to us were having “why we don’t bring Nintendo DS’s into mass” talks in the van…I said to Tod, “I hope you don’t mind if I just HOLD ON.” That is where it all went down hill. I officially LOST it at church. Trying so desperately to keep myself together I kept my eyes fixed to the floor. His soft but “Gosh, Mom, get over it” voice snapped, “You’ll be fine.” Oh, how little does he know! His heart is so young and has not even begun to love the way ours have. As we approached the sanctuary Mike noticed my distress, which didn’t help because his tender look started the tears rolling AGAIN! Mike knew. He asked nothing, said nothing, but squeezed tightly. We sat where we always sit and streams of water continued to flow from my eyes despite by constant dialogue with myself of “ GET IT TOGETHER KIM.” I officially couldn’t. I kept thinking of TWENTY SEVEN. Twenty-seven more days. Only twenty-seven. How could it EVER be time already for him to go to college? It was just yesterday that he said to me, “Mom, let’s just sit here and have a Co-Ca-Lell-A and watch the BA-LINK-ITS…(have a Coca Cola and watch the Olympics.)” I will miss him so much, and the emptiness to come seems so huge and dark. I now know what it is like to have a panic attack and a war all at the same time. My brain and heart were truly at war, and today, my heart won the war. The words to this song are so perfect. You will, Tod, always be my little man. I love you up to the moon and as big as the sky~forever.
7 comments:
Tears are streaming down my face... I am SO SO proud of him Kim. I will NEVER forget that phone call we got when you first told us you were pregnant- HOW have we gone from that to college in what feels like a blink of an eye? It's amazing. He is an incredible person with such a bright future- I can't wait to watch it unfold :) Hang in there Kimmy Ann. Or, in Tod's words, "Get over it" - think he gets this from Tata! Just another way of saying cheer up charlie!
It's amazing how very real this sense of "leaving" I feel a million miles away. I remember leaving MY (will have to fight on those words!!) so many years ago. Now I feel like I have it quadruple-barrel PLUS.....I feel so much for ALL involved. My coping comes from trying to convey to Tod what I wish I would have done and shared to those I left behind having been isn the same family position....you'll make it; Mom did. ToTod....goin' be a good Christmas.
Kim, you always manage to make me cry when you blog!
I feel your pain Kim. I too feel the same thing even know I don't always show it. I often look at Britt's door and wonder what it will be like with her not behind it!! I will miss that beautiful smile! Even know I look forward to seeing her succeed in her future I wish it didn't go so fast. It's tough!!!
im happy and said at the same time. i get my own room but my supporter is going ot leave.
I am happy and sad at the same time. I get my own room but my best supporter to keep me pushing is gone. I am going to keep his word in my mind.
I am sitting here crying my heart out. It seems like yesterday Tod-0 was playing with Scot-o's drum set and we were having our twenty something weekly dinner. I miss you guys so much. I know that in a blink of an eye Megan will be heading off to college too. Time goes by too fast. You are all in my thoughts.
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