Becoming a mother has been one of the most glorious gifts that God has ever, and probably will ever, bless me with. No single blessing, with the exception of their father, has brought me such joy, crazy laughter, love, fun, and peace. And, no single blessing do I enjoy more than I do them. They, collectively and individually, have shown me what God's love is and how powerful it is. A very close friend of ours gave us a card when Craig was born which read something like....
deciding to have another child is deciding to have your heart walk around outside of your body....so true. I remind myself often that the love I feel for them is but a
fraction of the amount that God loves us. Almost incomprehensible. Perhaps it is because of the intensity in which we love, that it often demands every single ounce of energy and emotion. At times the weight of parenthood is heavy. Amy Grant sang a song (that I can not find on our music deal but will try again just for grins) called Lay Down Your Burden which is PERFECT for what I am feeling.......heavy. In fact, I feel like my prayer life is a "Are you still there, God, it is me, Kim, AGAIN"....and He seems distant and unresponsive. I hold on to a lot. My head knows that laying the burdens down at His Feet is exactly what I need to do. And yet, why do I feel so paralyzed? Funny, but I feel like Mike and I are sitting in the cockpit of our aircraft, PfaffLife, capable of doing and going
anywhere ....we go through the "departure" check off lists...all is ready....yet we both seem unable to fly.
Guillaume Apollinaire wrote:
Come to the edge, he said,
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came,
He pushed them...and they flew.
Heavenly Father, we are on that edge in so many areas. Our hearts watch Tod work out with the Bulldogs...but never was pulled to kick in front of the coach that day....my heart feels heavy. Craig receives two letters from future high schools....which
should it be?...a Jesuit or Legionaries of Christ high school education for him?...again, heavy heart. And our educational decisions heavily impact the weight of our financial responsibilities...all of which You know so well. It IS all about YOU...help us to find Your Way.
2 comments:
Just grab Mike's hand and breathe.....I miss you Mama. Hug and smile at those boys.....if you can get them to stop fighting :)
i feel your pain... so many difficult decisions. we'll pray a little extra prayer for you guys as we make similar decisions. hang in there! He will lead you and you will soon have answers. i want my answers now though i must admit (patience is not one of my strengths). :o)
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