I am absolutely in love with God. He is everything perfect for me....strength, power, comfort, peace, love, counselor, wisdom, forgiving, healing, life giving, and so much more. His blessings have been many, and his patience with me has been MUCH. So many times throughout my life I have had that "pinch me is this for real-it is so good" kind of feeling. They all point to Him. Equally many times in my life I have been knocked down to below my knees in desperation, sadness, or anger truly unable to pick myself up...all a direct result of things of this world...and getting back up, successfully, all points to Him, too. Perhaps it is all of the above that has brought back the clouds....the dark ones, that seem to linger and feel so heavy. Hence, the disappointment. My very favorite story in the Bible is in Matthew 14: 25-33. To me, it is so indicative of life. Jesus is so amazing and so loving...anxious, if you will, for us to venture out, trust, and as John Ortberg says so well, "get out of the boat"...extending his Arms and Hands with "Come to Me." He wants nothing else...but for me, and us, to come to Him. I feel like I do that often....but just like Peter. Confident, strong, and really excited at first and then the winds come...some blow softly unable to move my focus, and then some blow hard enough to shift my focus...and I allow the stuff of this world to cloud my world and to distract me from what is most important, Him. Why is it so hard at times? And why is it that some of those "winds" seem to engulf me? I can and do hear my mom's quiet heaven spoken voice in her answer as I type..."cuz you let them, Kimmy Ann." It truly throws me into this world of not darkness, per se, but "blahness" as I dwell in this place of disappointment constantly whispering words to myself of "oh you of little faith..."I spend way too much time, I know, trying to figure people out...trying to grasp at understanding their motives and decisions....and why? What good truly comes from that?
All I need is to put my eyes back on Him and never give Him the reason to ask me,
"Why did you doubt Me?"
5 comments:
To LET GO is to free yourself to be ALL that you are to YOURSELF, Michael, those precious boys, and all of us!! God will "figure" those things and people out. Your core loyalty is what is playing havoc with your mind and spirit now because you can't keep asking yourself "Why?" Sometimes the extreme insecurities of others make us question our own security.....that's when you drop back, shake it OUT!!! and truly let it go and embrace the NOW and the YET TO BE!!!
Cheer up Kim. At least you have good insurance.
Kim, I know I have said this to you before...the older you get the more history He makes with you. Enjoy that peace beyond all understanding..he has your best interest in mind all of the time! cj
I think you need a margarita! What time and where?
That last comment about a margarita came from me....Brittney! I accidentally forgot to log off of my mom's account!
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